Rage Against the Elements
by Pirate Bob
Summary: The last yarn on the Avatar ye'll ever need read. This puts the others to shame, I'm pleased to say. Arrr...
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer, I'm glad to say I don't own the Avatar. I only report on things that arrrr true. Also, a sweet little lady named Kalyn pointed out my misspelling of Aing's name. So, sorry about that, but that's how he told me to spell it, the lying guppy. Thank you, Kalyn, fer the tip and I'll be sure to correct that in me future reports._

**Elemental Awakening**

A pitiful weakling they call "the Avatar" was runnin' for his wee life. The evil powers that had helped him aforetimes were strangely silent, for he had learnt the awful truth of their nature, the dread secret. They were not, as he had been led to believe by his teachers, forces an ancient like himself could control, but rather he had been helped by demons. And those demons were now out to drown him like the sea rat he truly was.

"Alas, and w-woe is me," said the stuttering tike, knowing he would have to face the sea and its dangers on his own. The demons had only been a teasin' his dull mind into believin' he was in control, but e'en they were not all that much more powerful than he. They could help him little, e'en if they'd 'ave wanted to. He had none to turn to, so, like a wretched jonah, he fled the wrath of God.

The child set sail on a stolen vessel. He had traveled—aye, in only a day—from having believed himself an ancient god' trapped in a child's body with the mark of Cain upon his brow tagging him for a great one. And from there to knowin' he truly was but a mere youth who'd been fooled by his superiors for a joke. However, having now a ship beneath him and the sea around, panic subsided enough for a moment's reflection. He had taken a giant leap forward in status having become a pirate.

"Shiver me bamboos," said the wee one, completely obliteratin' the natural tongue, but again he was fooled into thinking he was really onto somethin'. He busied himself about the riggins' making preparations for the storm that was a brewin', and all the while he kept a sharp eye on the lookout for any sign of demons.

Just then a violent tempest stirred from no wheres, coming upon the hapless craft. The ship, she creaked and moaned from her ribs like a seal in heat, protestin' the ill treatment. But the Avatar, he held her firm and made her stay the course, another plume for his pirate cap. And once again the prideful youth felt the pluck of his actions swell within his own chest. He was a pirate, through and through. Gone were the fears and dread.

A heavy rain, like falling bricks, beat at the ship's deck, nearly kookifying the young captain. The child scampered for cover and then remembered, he had to stay his post. It was a near fatal error of imbecility. Already the ship was tossin' and rollin', making threats to come undone. He rushed back to the helm and by sheer luck regained command, shakin' off the heavy droplets as they fell upon him unmercilessly.

A lucky little buck he was, too. Indeed, fer if just one of them brick-like drops had landed squarely on his soft fontanel, he'd 'ave been a gonner fer sure. 'Tis true: being yet a babe, his pea brain had not yet taken full cover 'neath the deck of his entire skull. And that might 'ave spelled calamity, but as luck would have it the demons were a bad aim. Arrrr.…

Next came the fire, striking by lightning his main sail and setting the hammered craft ablaze.

"Nay!" sang Pirate Aing as he scraped some mud from the heel of his toy boot with tiny fingers and prepared to throw it on the fire. "Ye shall not o'er come me. Here's a little Earth in yer eye! For e'en God himself could never sink this ship!"

Alas, his unfortunate claim was met with a sudden and eerie silence. Everything hushed to a deadly calm. The waves, they stopped their incessant pounding, and the sea she became as glass. The boy Aing, weatherworn and stunned, gazed up into the cracking of clouds as they sped away. And golden rays of pure sunlight poured down upon his miserable bald pate.

A voice, rich and baritone, rang out. "Aing, that is exactly what they said to me of the Titanic."

The little shrimp looked about him at the tattered remains of his tiny vessel and gulped. It more resembled the craft from Gilligan's Island, and none too magnificent.

"Now," said the booming voice, "Are you sure you really want to have those particular words on record? Hmmm?"

The speechless helmsman gulped and slowly shook his head. His legs were feelin' more than just a bit like wet concrete, a bit sludgy and useless. His tremblin' and impotent hands could no longer e'en grasp the wheel.

"A wise and clever choice," said the voice. And the heavens seemed to nod a little in affirmation of the sheer wisdom bespoken by the pitiful creature below. "Now then, shall we continue?"

The little pirate again weakly nodded, and the winds immediately picked up their cue. The waves and the rain, they raged once more. And the mast, having held its breath too long on fire, came crashing to the deck in a magnificent display of flaming cinders and burning pieces of sailcloth fluttering every which way.

"As I was saying…" said the young Aing, more cautious this time as he struggled to remember his next lines, "Here's a little mud in your eye."

And with that, the pirate bravely melted right then and there down to the earth he was formed of. The rain, coming down, mixed with him instantly and ushered him, mudflow fashion, spilling him from the burning wreckage and into the sea.

The Avatar—great symbol of ignorance and stupidity in the face of All that is mighty (when reverence is plainly called for)—was no more. But the ship was left alone and allowed to be salvaged. And I, the rightful and registered owner, received a large insurance settlement for me pains.

**The End, **

**and a fitting one it is, **

**if I do say so. **

**Arrr….**


	2. How it all Started

**How it all happened**

The Avatar started smoking when he was a child. The boy could blow a perfect smoke ring and so people called 'im an airbender. 'E was arrested fer tryin' ta peddle his merchandise on a playground, and they sent the evil tot off to reformatory. There, he escaped with a band of hoodlums, and the thieving brothers made their way across Siberia, heading home to China. But alas, Aang was a wee one and got tired.

Aang sat down to rest and next thing 'e knew 'e'd napped and awaked to find 'is partners in crime had robbed 'im blind. He got up, looked about 'im, then sat down to cry and muddle over things. That was when it happened and 'e was asleep before 'e knew it and next thing, they were picking 'im outta glacier.

"What in devil's happened?" asked Aang in his natural tongue.

"We can't understand that kind of talk," they answered, "but 'ere is a girlfriend named Katara for ye."

So the Avatar made eyes at Katara and she slapped 'im a good one until 'e got the message. She was tellin' 'im that 'e wasn't much good to 'er as a boy. He shoulda been a pirate er somethin' like that.

It was all the boy could take. He ran off to make somethin' of 'imself and got lost when some evil people caught 'im and brainwashed 'im and then made 'im think he was really somethin' fer bein' in that iceberg fer so long and all. They made up some stories and then some demons took over the rest of 'is education. Next thing ye know, the Avatar was birthed.

"Look at me now, Katara, ha ha ha." Said Aang. But she turned up her nose at 'im and said, "I'll not be proud o' ye until ye are a pirate." A wise and beautiful child, that Katara.

So 'e thought over these things, but it was some time before 'e really got the message and started seein' that 'e'd been duped. What a pesky infant!


End file.
